There have been times when I have been walked on, when I have compromised on some things that I had regrets about later, and times when I agreed with or didn’t challenge others who held very different beliefs than myself (and sometimes different values), because I wanted to be liked, or didn’t want to cause any conflicts. It wasn’t until the recent year that I have started to really decide that I don’t have to always go with the flow, that I can assert my voice in aspects of my life other than just with the employees whom I supervise. I can have a voice in the company of anyone that I choose, whether they accept, like me, or agree (or not).
To assist with my new found voice, I created a personal “Bill of Rights” to assist me with my process of being more vocal. I have attached my Bill of Rights, but I would encourage you not to simply copy mine, but to develop your own.
My Bill of Rights is organized by categories, and these categories were areas that were prominent in my life at the time, to where I needed personal “policies” on how to better deal with these areas.
My personal Bill of Rights
On Conversation and Disagreement
I have the right to question, challenge, or exit any conversation that conflicts
with my values — I don’t owe anyone my silence or my patience just because they
expect it.
I have the right to not debate my own dignity or the dignity of others. Whether
racism, homophobia, or bigotry toward any group is “okay” is not a topic open for
debate at my table. I also can call out harm when I see it, even when it’s uncomfortable, even
when it costs me social ease in the moment.
I have the right to disengage from political arguments that ask me to defend
someone else’s cruelty or corruption as leadership. I don’t have to sit through it
to be polite.
I have the right to walk away without explaining myself further than I choose
to. “I don’t agree, and I’m done discussing it” is a complete sentence.
On Worth and Money
I have the right to reject the idea that net worth equals human worth. A
person’s value isn’t a balance sheet.
I have the right to define success by integrity, service, and presence — not by
what I or anyone else has accumulated.
On Addiction
I have the right to hold that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing — and to
say so plainly when someone argues otherwise.
I have the right to believe addicts deserve support, treatment, and their
children — without earning that belief back through someone else’s approval.
On My Own Practice
I have the right to walk away from a fight that isn’t mine to win. Not every
provocation requires my energy — wu wei is not passivity, it’s discernment.
I have the right to control my response, not the outcome. I can speak my truth
clearly and let go of whether it lands — that part was never mine to control anyway. Regarding other people: “I can’t control what they say or think. I can control whether I stay in the room or the conversation.”
I have the right to protect my peace and my cardiac health from conversations
that exist only to provoke me. My blood pressure is not collateral for someone
else’s need to be heard.
I have the right to my own unique worldview — which is Choctaw mixed with some Taoism, Stoicism, and based on my personal experiences — without needing to have my worldview validated by people who will never understand it.
I have the right to be wrong, revise my thinking, and still be a person of
integrity — conviction doesn’t require rigidity.
I will not pretend that living by this has been easy. Old habits of accommodation don’t disappear just because you write something down. I have noticed a difference though. Conversations that used to leave me depleted, now leave me feeling unalarmed if the person that holds a different viewpoint doesn’t agree with even a word that I have said. That is the shift, I now spend much less energy measuring the conversation by whether or not I was liked, and instead by measuring how true that I have stayed to myself.
If you are reading this and something in my list resonated, ask yourself if you have had interactions that have taken a toll on you, costing you more than just your voice. Write your own list. Your list will probably not look like mine, and it shouldn’t. Mine came from my own experiences and needs. Your Bill of Rights must be useful to you. You could even start with one single right instead of a whole “Bill of Rights” and see how it works for you for a week or more, then add more.