“Turning it over” looks like acknowledging, (sometimes out loud or in writing – often with great emotional pain), that something is beyond my reach. I have to ask: “What is mine to do here, and what isn’t?” I must find the next right action — small, concrete, within my actual sphere of control — and then let the rest be.
On… Turning it over Read Post »
Worry is resistance. It is us saying to the universe, I do not trust what is coming, I don’t like it, and so I will fight it in my mind before it even arrives. That mental fighting is exhausting. And it rarely changes the outcome.
You should love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be treated with respect. Further, it is important to let go of the need to be liked by everyone. It feels very good when I have moments that I can be proud of myself for speaking up when needed. It feels good to have a difficult conversation (not at the time, but afterward) knowing that I didn’t “sugar coat” the truth, that I will not have regrets about saying what needs to be said.
Having a difficult person in our life, creates an environment that does not support our well-being. Around this person (or people), it is difficult to grow, flourish, to have or maintain a positive attitude, or to enjoy life. In other words, to our well-being, this person is toxic. As I just mentioned, this could be a family member, coworker, boss, neighbor, ex-lover, etc. It could even be a collection of people such as a toxic work environment.
As part of our growth process, we often focus on living in the moment and trying to take in the wonder, joy and even the lessons hidden in pain. We can wonder through life, handling whatever it is that life gives us. While your wander, instead of focusing on what not to think about and what you shouldn’t do, try to instead keep an eye open to where you want to go.
On… What not to think about Read Post »
What if we ditched most of our agenda? What if we accepted life as it comes? What if we worked towards making meaningful experiences in the here-and-now, more than we do in focusing too much on the past or future?
On… The here and now Read Post »
First things first. How it works, is that I will focus on one issue at a time. If I can, I try to focus on an action that I can take today, limiting my focus to only one of the issues (perhaps the issue that needs the most attention), therefore not facing the brunt of a bunch of concerning issues.
On… Slogans such as “First things first” Read Post »
Think of an ability that you have (a talent, skill, hobby) and imagine what life would be like if it were no longer in your life – gone. What would you do instead? How would you find meaning, purpose, and enjoyment? How would you redefine yourself? Sometimes it can be challenging and yet interesting to consider this question, “Who would I be if the things around me that I cherish were gone?”
On… Rigid thinking Read Post »
I don’t see addicts as bad people. I know of many good people with addiction. It is powerful. I do find myself viewing it in terms of an illness. I have seen those cry when told there liver is failing and promising themselves and others of change – only to see the person back in the ER later. Is it a habit? Well if you were told you were going to die or lose those close to you if you keep biting your nails, I guarantee that you would stop.
Commitment means doing it even if you don’t feel up to it, and especially when you don’t feel up to it. Make part of your commitment involve being willing to ask for help and to use that help/assistance when needed. I want to say this loud and clear, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. You deserve allowing help and some others should not be denied if they want to offer themselves for help.
On… Commitment and motivation Read Post »
There are guided visual meditations, tension and relaxation of body part meditations, eve movement meditations, etc. What I want to emphasize is that many believe that the only way to meditate is to “clear my mind of all thoughts” and sit for long periods of time. This is not how meditation has to be for you.
Mindfulness helps with what I call “healthy detachment” – which is the ability to consistently recognize that we are not our thoughts – that our thoughts are products of our mind that often deceive us, because we automatically believe and trust our thoughts. It’s kind of exciting when you recognize that you are not your thoughts. When you can recognize that you don’t have to take in all your thoughts as 100 percent factual.
Acceptance is realizing that we are limited in changing others. Acceptance is recognizing that life will often throw us something unexpected. Acceptance is also self-acceptance that includes awareness of our limitations, our faults, our flaws, our mistakes, along with the opposite: and that is being able to see our strengths, our accomplishments and the good that is within us. The strengths and positive aspects of ourselves is often what we minimize or overlook.
Our nature is that we tend to move towards the things that we think will bring us enjoyment, while simultaneously moving away from things that bring us pain. Sometimes in doing this process, we move towards temporary happiness. Once I get that new TV, computer, lover, etc – I will be happy. Yet none of these things that we may believe will bring us lasting happiness ever do, because: people change, things break, people leave us (and die), and life often craps on us (seemingly). Further, sometimes the very things that we think will bring us happiness, end up bringing us pain.
On… Our desire to control life Read Post »