On… Facing Your Fears

My mother had a heart condition. She developed kidney failure and congestive heart failure. She was in and out of the hospital. She had to be on dialysis. After she passed away when I was 22, I vowed to exercise and keep myself healthy, as I didn’t want to have a heart condition and go through all that she went through.

I recently went to a new cardiologist. She did an EKG, listened to my heart, which had a strong murmur, and had me describe my symptoms. She said that she believes that my mitral valve needs repaired or replaced.” I would need heart surgery. The very thing I feared, having a heart condition, seemed to be where I was at.

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On… Change

We call it a “comfort zone,” but comfort is rarely what’s actually living there. More often, it’s familiarity. And familiarity is not the same thing as peace. Change asks us to risk embarrassment. Risk failure. Risk loneliness. Risk becoming someone we have never been before. Risk is frightening. Sometimes the old life may not even be good for us anymore, yet we still cling to it — because at least it is recognizable. A person can remain stuck for years simply because familiarity feels safer than uncertainty. But the spirit does not grow in stagnant water.

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On… Turning it over

“Turning it over” looks like acknowledging, (sometimes out loud or in writing – often with great emotional pain), that something is beyond my reach. I have to ask: “What is mine to do here, and what isn’t?” I must find the next right action — small, concrete, within my actual sphere of control — and then let the rest be.

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